Over the last couple of years, I’ve written two posts in which I imagined myself Commissioner of (Green) Sports. In that idyllic world (at least to my way of thinking), I gave myself powers to unilaterally enact any Green-Sports initiative I wanted. In a nod to the popular “New Rules” segment on Bill Maher’s HBO political-comedy-satire talk show, Real Time, I entitled the posts “New Rules for Green Sports.”

Maher’s show is currently on hiatus until August 3 — given the sad performance by the US President at the NATO conference and at the summit meeting with Vladimir Putin in Helsinki, that episode should be a doozy^. With that being the case, I thought now would be the perfect time to fill that void, put on my regal vestments and offer you, my subjects, er, readers, “New Rulesfor Green Sports, Part Three.”

 
For those of you who don’t have HBO and have never seen Real Time with Bill Maher, the host ends each hour-long episode of his show with “New Rules,” in which Maher gives himself autocratic powers to enact his own rules for politics and life in general. Here’s a sampler from April.
 

Video courtesy of HBO and YouTube

 
In the first two “New Rules for Green-Sports” offerings I (benevolently) ordered, among other things, that:

• Fans who travel to games via mass transit, drive EVs or hybrids get a rebate, paid for from parking revenues. Fans who come by bike or walk also qualify
• Every broadcast of a sports event must air at least one 30 second Public Service Announcement (PSA) themed to the climate change fight
• Each stadium and arena will have at least one vegan-only food stand
• Teams that broadcast their climate change-fighting actions receive a tax break

 
OK, enough with the preliminaries; now it’s on to the third edition of “New Rules for Green-Sports”
New Green-Sports Rule #1: ESPN will give out an “Eco-Athlete of the Year” honor at the 2019 ESPY Award show. Tonight’s 2018 ESPYs show will highlight the great works of athletes and coaches in their communities. It will also honor the coaches who perished in the Parkland (FL) High School mass shooting. But ESPN, which last month won the Green Sports Alliance’s “Environmental Leadership Award,” doesn’t yet use the ESPYs to spotlight athletes engaged in environmentalism and the climate change fight. That will end with next year’s ESPY’s with the addition of the “Eco-Athlete of the Year” award.
If the ESPY’s would have had the foresight to award an Eco-Athlete of the Year for 2018, I have a great suggestion for the first honoree: Leilani Münter, the self-described eco “vegan, hippie chick with a race car” who is having a solid year on the track, including a fifth place finish at the Lucas Oil 200 at Daytona. Off the track, her work is even more important, as Leilani supports a booth, sponsored by two non-profits, that dispenses vegan Impossible Burgers during the week of each race she enters.
 

Leilani Münter, eco “vegan, hippie chick with a race car” will earn a 2019 Eco-Athlete ESPY, if the GreenSportsBlogger has his way (Photo credit: Scott LePage)

 
New Green-Sports Rule #2: The Tour de France will use only EV — or at least hybrid — support vehicles. The biggest race in all of cycling has, over the past two decades, been severely tarnished by well-publicized doping scandals. One way for the Tour to improve its image would be to become a Green-Sports leader. Since cyclists use only human energy to get up and down the Alps, it already has a head start on greenness. To help nudge the Tour along its green path, our second Green-Sports “New Rule” says that, for 2019 and beyond, all team and race organizer support vehicles must be electric vehicles (EVs). If EV range is a concern, hybrids will suffice. It should be noted that the most of today’s EVs have range necessary to support the cyclists from beginning to end —the longest stage of the 2018 Tour is 143 miles.
EV and hybrid support vehicles will be a highly visible sign to the 10 to 12 million fans who annually line the route and the many millions more who watch on TV and other media platforms that the Tour de France is headed in the right, green direction.
 

Support vehicles at the 2014 Tour de France (Photo credit: Times of London)

 
New Green-Sports Rule #3: FIFA will never again award a Men’s or Women’s World Cup to a country (or group of countries) where outdoor stadiums have to be air-conditioned. Russia was not my choice to host the 2018 FIFA World Cup — I tend not to want to reward a country whose government murders journalists, invades neighboring states and interferes in US elections with the world’s most watched sports event.
But I wasn’t in the “New Rules” business back in 2011 when FIFA awarded Russia with the 2018 FIFA World Cup, and Qatar — thanks in large part to a massive corruption scheme — was named host of the 2022 tournament.
The selection of Qatar was derided almost from the moment when then-FIFA President Sepp Blatter announced it had won the bid, with the country’s extreme heat, exacerbated by climate change, being among the top concerns for fans and players alike.
 

Sepp Blatter, president of FIFA in 2011, announces the selection of Qatar as host of the 2022 World Cup (Photo credit: Telegraph of London)

 
With June and July temperatures regularly reaching 110°F/43.3°C, FIFA decided to move the 2022 tournament to December*, when temperatures are more likely to be in the 80s Fahrenheit (27°-31° Celsius).
But, even in December, it can get bloody hot in Qatar. Organizers thus decided that all eight stadia that will be built for the World Cup will be air conditioned — despite all of them being open air buildings!
To say the least, the choice of Qatar to host the World Cup flies in the face of FIFA’s recent sustainability efforts.
But now that I’m on the case, FIFA will never again award the World Cup to a country that needs to build open air, air conditioned stadia. Not on my “New Rules” watch!
 

^ With two plus weeks between now and the August 3rd episode, there will likely be new reality show-style nonsense from POTUS that will make Helsinki and NATO seem like old news

* The switch to December will play havoc with domestic club league (English Premier League, Spain’s La Liga, Germany’s Budndesliga etc.) seasons around the world but, gifting (grifting?) the World Cup to a country with no soccer tradition and no World Cup-quality stadia must be worth that small bit of trouble, right?

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